Connection

"A connection is the energy that exists between two people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship." ~ Brene Brown ~

 One of the hardest parts of this move to Texas was uprooting just after finally having a great sense of connection at my previous church. I had only been living in the Twin Cities for three years before I got the push from God to Texas. I was active in an awesome Small Group that saw me off when I moved, encouraged me at my last small group, and many have kept in touch no matter the distance between us. I left it all to move to a town where the only people I knew, I met during a one week visit three months before.

To say the move here to Waco has been easy would be false. The process of getting here was a breeze. Me, my car, and the road; it was a beautiful three day adventure. In the short time I have been here I have moved twice, been a part of 6 small groups-4 of which disbanded suddenly, had things stolen from me by a roommate, and been flat out ignored and treated like I was invisible more times than I could count. Feeling a connection with anyone, or anything has been the hardest thing ever.

Lately, I have been feeling lonely. Now, let me say, just because I'm single doesn't mean my loneliness is for a guy or to be married. Actually, I'm content right now with that portion of my life. I realized recently it is a loneliness for a good girlfriend, which is surprising! I have always been a gal who had loads of guy friends and hung out with them easily. Girlfriends on the other hand were not as successful, or even healthy relationships and influences. To satisfy this craving, I did what every single Christian has been told to do when lonely: turn to God. The belief is, by turning to God and getting your needs met by Him first, you won't be lonely and life will be great. While I think it is important to get your needs met by God first, I am starting to realize that this isn't the complete prescription for loneliness. There's another prescription that needs to be combined to successfully cure loneliness: connection with others.

I am coming to this awakening that Jesus traveled in groups because He knew connection was vital, not only to His ministry, but to His well-being as a human. He always was well connected to God, but still felt forsaken by Him on the cross because the people closest to Him turned their backs on Him and had Him crucified. He had a large crowd following, but a small group He invested personal time with to disciple, grow, and take over His ministry, but He also had an even smaller posse of three dudes He loved like brothers and told everything to. He was connected so deeply and so fulfilled.

We talk about the need for a small group often in churches. We talk about how we need to live in community and be known, which I fully agree with. I am surprised that we never talk about connection and really being known by each other and seen, heard, and valued. I do not think Jesus' ministry would have amounted to much if there had not been a connection with those three friends of His. I don't think the human side of Him could have maintained it by Himself. It is one thing to be known over the surface and an entirely different thing to be known deeply.

This is the root of what I'm seeing as my struggle with loneliness. I'm glad to see it, but frustrated because there's a long list of reasons since I have moved her that it doesn't exist. There have been glimpses of it, but it changes rapidly and surprisingly at times. The hope for it to change will come in due time. Meanwhile, I am aware of the emptiness that remains.