“Do not be conformed to this world (any longer with its superficial values and customs), but be transformed and progressively changed (as you mature spiritually) by the renewing of your mind (focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes), so that you may prove (for yourselves) what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (in His plan and purpose for you).” ~ Romans 12:2 ~
It is hard for people to understand you when you do something different than they would. It is even harder for them to understand when you resist common cultural actions. People easily, freely judge you and come down on you as a result and this can make it incredibly hard. Yet, I have come to realize this eighth month of “Transform:2019,” every area I am different is worth enduring every ounce of criticism.
One area that is different is I refuse to ever have a car loan. No, I’m not scared of a loan. I just don’t want to borrow funds for something that doesn’t last. I also don’t believe in just impulsively committing to a huge financial obligation while my income is still so unpredictable. I have been judged a lot about this recently as my car’s transmission gave out a few weeks ago. Right now, I have no car. I travel by bus to work, have a small number of friends who are willing to bring me home, I can Lyft but I only do this when it is absolutely necessary or affordable, and otherwise I walk! The last time I was in this situation for for a year and a half. I was met with folks who offered to help, with offers to get me a loan through their bank, or to take me car shopping. It was very nice and very considerate. When I shared I didn’t want a loan, no one knew what to say. Why? It is countercultural in America to not have a car loan. I’m not judging others choices, but just comparing that my decision is rare in comparison. People run across me and do not know how to respond. Yet one thing is certain, I am not ashamed of this conviction.
I will only live where God beings me to and I will try hard to bloom where I am planted. God brought me to Waco, TX in 2015 and I believe it is proof He has a sense of humor!! He took a winter season, fall season lover and put her in the hottest part of the south. This past week has been miserable and I have felt so hot. I have had a couple friends suggest I should consider a move since I can’t seem to get used to it. And the thing is, I know I’m not to be here in Waco forever, but I also know my next place to live will be where God calls me. It isn’t about my wants, my preferences, or what I love. I go where He sends me, this is the life I lead.
I have come to believe that if I am annoyed with someone else, I have a problem that I need to address WITH MYSELF, not the other person. And this means when someone else wants to confront me for my annoying them, my typical response is usually, “Do you believe it is another person’s responsibility to deal with your emotional responses?”? Sometimes I am looked confused. Other times, people change the subject. We have come to be a very emotionally ignorant culture, which I once was and am still not perfect after eating disorder treatment, but I am much better! When I am annoyed, I believe it is time to stop and ask myself, “What do I assume is going through the other person’s mind?” “How is my stress level and how is it influencing my emotions when I interact with this person?” And “Am I being bothered or inconvenienced by the other person? If so, is it their intent and do they know they have their timing off? Could I be assuming the worst about them?” Usually, one of these questions hit me in the gut and help me realize where the struggle actually is, within myself. I don’t own other people’s attempts at deflecting responsibility for their emotional coping into me. However, I do massively hate being misunderstood and will feel like a failure of a person if someone tries to confront me and assume they know what I think or feel, which so far everyone has been wrong about. I care even if you’re asking me to carry something I know isn’t my load to bare. This can be a sticking point sometimes, but I have had a much richer experience with others when I don’t pick up what was never intended for me. The ones that do not understand it either ask and learn about this more so they can experience this freedom, or they get pushed off and write me off. If they write me off over this boundary, then I do not think they ever valued the relationship to begin with.
Choosing to go against the tide isn’t easy, but it is the best thing I have ever done.
