For several decades it has been common for me to have a sort of fog hang over my head from October-February. In recent years it hasn't been nearly as thick as it was this year. I think a combination of not having a significant connection to a church family and not having any family event here in Texas made this year incredibly difficult. Still, I managed to be present at a Thanksgiving Day event and a Christmas one as well. It was hard on Christmas, so I had to decide to forgo one invite because it was just too much and I developed a cold that, strangely, was better the next day. I have noticed the past several weeks a newly found energy and excitement for life that seemed to have vanished during the foggy months.
In the middle of all of this was the start of a new year. This is the third year I have picked a word for the year. 2015 was "complete" and 2016 was "goals." This time around, I picked the word "believe." It seems to fit nicely with several things I am struggling with, along with things I feel led to focus on this year.
When fog lifts, there's this wetness you see on the grass, vehicles, and sometimes even the cement has a wet hue. I am noticing this within myself as well. There's a greater tenderness inside me and I find myself weeping over the silliest things. My newly adopted cat, Vivienne, is one that makes me get teary-eyed often, mostly because my heart swells for love for her. I also get teary-eyed over different revelations I have been having, especially when it comes to changes with different friendships and relationships I have had.
There's also this relief that happens as well, especially if you're navigating through the fog and suddenly come out the other side. The clarity with which you can see is nearly unbelievable in contrast with the blinding thickness you were just in. I feel like this is also true for me. It seems like this past fog season, I was heavily confused and unsure about many things. I even started wondering if living in Texas still was wise for me. I had a job change during it as well after having my hours cut severely and surprisingly by my employer at the time for no clear reason. I also have developed new friendships and let go of some others. Additionally, I have received clarity on what I do and do not want to be a part of, as well as what I want to allow within my home.
The most important thing coming out of this fog is a newly formed strength to begin to see myself with God's eyes. I'm not where I need to be with it, but I am a lot further than I ever have been. When I have encountered statements that are not true, or lies from Satan, I have been able to call it out. Now, I'm more determined to fight back with the Truth. I have also been about to set and keep boundaries I never thought I was worthy of enforcing before.
Fog is thick. It is scary. It is blinding. It slows you down. I'm always thankful when it lifts this time of year, but even more so this year.
