The Journey Continues

This morning after working the night shift I lay in bed trying to sleep and instead I started thinking.

I moved to Waco in February 2015 and this year really feels like it did last year! To be fair, there's been lots of parallels around the same time: Lifegroup searching, discerning which church to really land in, moving to a new apartment, taking a children's ministry training to start serving in May, and trying to get to know Waco. 

When I decided to step away from the Discipleship School in January, I didn't expect the challenges that would come. I found out about a rumor as to why I left and was able to squash it, but not without it stinging a bit. My third Lifegroup disbanded, which made me suddenly alone on an island of 1. I checked out a couple churches and was really liking one, but craved times of really encountering God and Holy Spirit during worship. With the prompting of two friends, praying and receiving direction from God, and coming to realize that I am a person who loves being a part of a church that welcomes the power of the Holy Spirit and not deny it exists. I decided Antioch really is the place I most belong. My experience has been far from the "norm" I'm told regularly, but it doesn't make it any easier to be here a year and still feel so new, still feel like I am in culture shock. This part of the journey has been hardest.

The journey so far has had a lot of sudden surprises that continue to be guideposts along the way. 

One guidepost was my therapist, Salley. I didn't expect to connect to easily and so deeply with her. I think her passion, support, and belief in me has marked me in a powerful way. The journey is continuing with her still being a big part of my wholeheartedness development. 

Another guidepost I didn't expect is my seester, Meagan. (yes, I meant to spell it wrong.) we met around this time last year at my very first Lifegroup and instantly connected. In many ways we are opposite, but in many ways we are complimentary to one another. I didn't expect to have such a sweet friendship develop so deeply. We are now roommates, but I say first she's my seester.

Another guidepost has been my heart condition, NCS. Passing out at work this time last year was really fun! All my heart tests, blood tests, scans, and tilt-table test we're interesting! In the end, I have learned that I need to self-care, manage stress better, and always take my meds! I have learned to say no, learned to ask for help, and learned to pace myself. 

The journey moves forward. I'm in a new Lifegroup, which so far has been good. I'm trying a different area to serve in for children's ministry. I'm working and hoping to pay off bills so I can return to college and finish my degree in 2017!

My biggest part of my life right now is staying connected to God, community, and develop friendships with other gals. Deep in my heart, I would love to be given a mentor as well, which I call someone older than me by 5-10 yeas whose been a Christian longer than me, and is a woman. I would also love to have a few girlfriends, connection and friendship is most what I need. 

My journey is unique like me. I like it. I'm thankful God's working out all the details as they come!

The Beauty of a Closet

It wasn't my first thought, after watching War Room, to have a prayer closet. Honestly, I have not had a closet for about 3 years since this past October. Believe me, I have had to get creative on how I store my clothing. I have also had to be serious on stuff and what I own. I don't believe it is wise to fill up your closet with tons of outfits, most of which you won't even wear in a year's time! After moving 5 times the past 4 years, I made a promise to myself three things:

1) If it doesn't fit me today, it will fit someone else. I give it away to a friend it will fit, or donate it. Often times through my church connections, there's a garage sale to support a missionary, or a garage sale to support the Discipleship Schools. It's much better than storing it for "when it fits me," which if I ever do lose a significant amount of weight the LAST thing I will wanna do is wear something of mine super old! I believe I would have earned a SHOPPING SPREE! :-)

2) If I didn't wear it this past year, I do need it anymore. This is most difficult with dresses, especially fancier ones. I'm finding I love to dress up, but I don't always do it every day or even every Sunday. My church I attend in Waco is very casual or business type, so wearing a dress isn't always the first thing I think of. I got rid of 6 when I moved and I'm slowly building my collection up again.

3) I don't need a full closet. Plain and simple. Do I rotate clothes? Kinda, but not intentionally or scheduled. Do I wear the same clothes often? Definitely. In fact, I will wear some outfits so rarely throughout the year that it isn't a surprise for even my roommate to compliment or notice them! Ha! Do I follow the latest fashion trends? NO. I really never have been one to be a fashionista. To me, my every day wardrobe should be logical for what I normally do, comfortable so I'm not squirming or start a sensory processing problem, and be versatile. I don't need a full closet to achieve these things, so why bother?

Recently, I moved into a 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment with my roomie-sister-BFF, Meagan. It has been delightful to finally have my own space, my own room, and be able to have my very own closet to myself. As I was finally hanging my clothes up a few days ago and organizing my closet, I realized I only have enough space for half my closet to be used! This was extremely exciting! My mind started thinking about what I could do with the space! Immediately, all ideas were shut down after I realized what I could do: a prayer closet!!!

This is no surprise really, especially after having watched War Room at LEAST 3 times! (Amazing movie about the power of prayer that is heavily misunderstood in non-Christian circles.) I basically have been very convicted on time spent really fighting in prayer for myself, my family and friends, and those I know who need Jesus. I also pray for a significant number of missionaries, which is exciting! There's plenty I could do in that little area!! So I'm in the process of getting it exactly the way I want to. I think I'm finally learning the beauty of a closet.

May I Never Forget

Today is April 11, three years since I work up in Trauma ICU. I first remember hearing this beep constantly...and the pain it was causing in my head. Then, I noticed my head felt like a migraine headache, loopy, and so tired all at once--a feeling I have never felt before. Then, I opened my eyes to see a blanket hanging from the ceiling. What the?! Why is that there? Then, I saw a glass wall at my feet and I was lost. Then, I tried to say, "Make it stop," but I could not talk. I started to panic at that point. I could t move my arms, they were tied down? What the heck?! I finally pulled my left hand free and pulled on a string coming out of my blanket, when suddenly the beeping became a constant "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" and a series of other alarms and sounds went off simultaneously. Suddenly, the glass wall opens and this lady runs to me and says "Emily! You're awake! Do you want that tube out?" I kept trying to talk and couldn't. She says a bunch of stuff and out of my mouth comes this insanely long plastic tube. I cough a lot afterwards and she says, "Don't be surprised of you cough blood or weird stuff." Then, she talks really fast and I miss everything until I hear "You'll recover but you were in a bad car accident. You had a traumatic brain injury." Then, a ton of people come in to say hello. I think 8? One tells me he is my neurologist and he starts asking me questions:

What is our name? "Emily Ardolf 

What is your middle name? "What's a middle name?"

What month is it? "March."

What year is it? "2010."

Where are you? "A hospital."

Which hospital? "I don't know."

What state are you in? "Minnesota."

What city? "Twin Cities?"

Which one? "I don't know."

Who is the Governor of Minnesota? "Tim Pawlenty"

Who is the President? "Bush"

And then came another lady who asked me if I remembered what happened in the car accident. "What car accident?" I was told I was hit by a commercial truck that was destroyed as was my car. "What? When?" Yesterday. "Where is my mom?" We don't know. We have not been able to get information on your family. Do you have her phone number? "It is 705-733 or something. Where is my phone? I want to talk to my sister." And they find my phone in my bag of chopped up clothes. And then I sob-cry forever.  They wrote down the whole encounter in my medical chart via the scribes of my neurologist. My first "awake evaluation" where I "was oriented only to self and failed most questions, and had dancing eyes, and extreme emotional response at the end." 

I remember very little that day. I moved to a room out of ICU. Some lady came trying to get me to do fine motor skills and I couldn't do any of them, so I cried. I had to learn to walk in physical therapy, which I cried during too. I talked to my sister on the phone and my mom. My friend Sarah came to visit me and I didn't want her to leave. I cried after she left. It was a big day.

I never want to forget the day I woke up.