May I Never Forget

Today is April 11, three years since I work up in Trauma ICU. I first remember hearing this beep constantly...and the pain it was causing in my head. Then, I noticed my head felt like a migraine headache, loopy, and so tired all at once--a feeling I have never felt before. Then, I opened my eyes to see a blanket hanging from the ceiling. What the?! Why is that there? Then, I saw a glass wall at my feet and I was lost. Then, I tried to say, "Make it stop," but I could not talk. I started to panic at that point. I could t move my arms, they were tied down? What the heck?! I finally pulled my left hand free and pulled on a string coming out of my blanket, when suddenly the beeping became a constant "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" and a series of other alarms and sounds went off simultaneously. Suddenly, the glass wall opens and this lady runs to me and says "Emily! You're awake! Do you want that tube out?" I kept trying to talk and couldn't. She says a bunch of stuff and out of my mouth comes this insanely long plastic tube. I cough a lot afterwards and she says, "Don't be surprised of you cough blood or weird stuff." Then, she talks really fast and I miss everything until I hear "You'll recover but you were in a bad car accident. You had a traumatic brain injury." Then, a ton of people come in to say hello. I think 8? One tells me he is my neurologist and he starts asking me questions:

What is our name? "Emily Ardolf 

What is your middle name? "What's a middle name?"

What month is it? "March."

What year is it? "2010."

Where are you? "A hospital."

Which hospital? "I don't know."

What state are you in? "Minnesota."

What city? "Twin Cities?"

Which one? "I don't know."

Who is the Governor of Minnesota? "Tim Pawlenty"

Who is the President? "Bush"

And then came another lady who asked me if I remembered what happened in the car accident. "What car accident?" I was told I was hit by a commercial truck that was destroyed as was my car. "What? When?" Yesterday. "Where is my mom?" We don't know. We have not been able to get information on your family. Do you have her phone number? "It is 705-733 or something. Where is my phone? I want to talk to my sister." And they find my phone in my bag of chopped up clothes. And then I sob-cry forever.  They wrote down the whole encounter in my medical chart via the scribes of my neurologist. My first "awake evaluation" where I "was oriented only to self and failed most questions, and had dancing eyes, and extreme emotional response at the end." 

I remember very little that day. I moved to a room out of ICU. Some lady came trying to get me to do fine motor skills and I couldn't do any of them, so I cried. I had to learn to walk in physical therapy, which I cried during too. I talked to my sister on the phone and my mom. My friend Sarah came to visit me and I didn't want her to leave. I cried after she left. It was a big day.

I never want to forget the day I woke up.