2018 was a year. In many ways it was tough and in many ways it was amazing. Some highlights each month follow:
January: I received my very first FULL paycheck since September 2017 when I had to quit my job shortly after starting it and leaving a previous job. This job was me stepping out in faith and it was clear I wasn’t capable of doing it so I was forced to leave. It took awhile to get paid with my new job mostly because I was a temp in my permanent role so it didn’t pay a full amount. Thankfully, insurance started and I was also able to seek much needed medical treatment as I had some serious things going on. Two ER visits, a specialist, a ultrasound, CT Scan, and MRI were all done. My specialist had a diagnosis and dropped the “possible cancer” phrase and we made a pre-op for a week later.
February: I saw the specialist and had surgery with biopsies. There was a lot of fear and stress, and a lot of health issues. I was freakishly at peace never doubting God was in control. Trust was my word for 2018 and Trust was what I did. No matter what outcome, God was still GOOD and TRUSTWORTHY, so I had nothing to fear.
March: After my surgery and biopsies, my results were rushed because my doctor was concerned. Eventually, I was told it was negative and no cancer or abnormalities present. The week of surgery, my church had a corporate prayer and fasting. I felt like I spiritually HAD TO GO to each worship night, even though physically I could barely walk and was in a lot of pain. The first night, someone had a word that people were effected by cancer and God would heal them. I was only one of 5 people to raise their hand for prayer and 3 of us were waiting for results. The next day a friend I had not seen in awhile felt the need to pray for me and prayed for healing. The final night at the celebration, roughly 6 people prayed for me. 2 of them I knew, but the other 4 just came up to me and said, “I feel the need to pray for healing over you. What’s going on?” Two days later I found out the results. Two weeks after that, my doctor said, “I have never been wrong. What I saw was not good and I can’t explain the results. I believe there was a miracle. And I have only ever seen two and each time, I am reminded a Higher Power has to exist.” I was able to explain to her about Jesus and the healing prayers I received that week.
April: After all the health concerns I was put on medication and told to come back in a year. As a result, I decided to heed God’s call to go to Peru on my first international missions trip. I began fundraising and by the end of April, I had my funds and a couple friends who sent me money directly to cover personal/travel/souvenir costs while there.
May: My health continued to greatly improve and this was the first month I felt good since October 2017. Not 100%, but I could tell things were turning the corner. I continued to Trust God for my trip to Peru. I also moved out of my apartment and had to rehome my beloved cat, Vivienne. Not having Vivi continues to be an adjustment and sometimes hard. I was able to focus on preparing for Peru and it really was exciting.
June: My trip to Peru was incredible. God did so much and healed so much in my heart. He also taught me about leadership. I learned that, as a leader, I want to equip, support, and encourage as much as possible. I also learned the importance of a leader remaining humble and teachable, as well as a team player and not controlling, or believe I know whatever I need to. God also healed parts of my heart that were so damaged, I never realized it until I came back. I also finally decided to go no contact with my parents after so much abuse my whole life. This decision has been encouraged by every single therapist I have seen in adulthood and was a decision that took 10 years to finally conclude it was the best to do.
July: I came back from Peru massively ill. I had a bacterial respiratory infection and a bacterial gastroenteritis infection as well. It took an entire month to feel myself and strong again. I also found out I was anemic after all my health scares. Again, I had to TRUST God for my health. I also turned 37! This year of 37 has shown more white hairs than I ever imagined and more progress forward on my health/healing journey. I had to buy a new wardrobe because things started not fitting and falling off!
August: I had some opportunities to advocate for myself in ways that would normally terrify me. Instead, I pressed into the fears and was my own advocate. The outcomes in all situations worked for my favor and helped me to move forward.
September: I had a lot of fun with friends, church activities, and various connections with others. I was able to enjoy my town and have me time be a regular thing I do. I also challenged myself to not hermit as an introvert and it helped tremendously!
October: I was able to Trust God with the challenging season ahead and the holiday pit I usually experience. I was able to make goals, guidelines, and boundaries surrounding each holiday. I also was able to plan ways to celebrate each holiday in my own way.
November: In spite of a horrible Thanksgiving experience, I used it as a data set and adjusted Christmas plans and my future holiday plans in general. I also embraced thankfulness and found so many reasons to be thankful regardless of my feelings. It was a powerful experience. I also identified boundaries with certain relationships that needed to be made and since placing them, my life has been much more peaceful and stress-free.
December: I had a beautiful Advent time and was able to lead my online group in celebrating Advent. When it came to Christmas, I was blessed by gifts I not only needed, but never expected receiving. A pair of dress shoes brought a level of healing I didn’t expect. A lavender warmzie has helped me sleep. And 5 new mugs make me remember I am seen. Christmas was in my terms and was a beautiful time celebrating the birth of my Savior, which is the most important thing to me. I also spent a lot of time preparing for the next year.
2019 is here. My word for the year is TRANSFORM. There’s huge promises God has for me in the 2019 and one is to be transformed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I believe God gave me 2 Corinthians 3:17-18, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom]. And we all, with unveiled faces, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.” He will continue to transform me from glory to glory and a deeper freedom! There’s goals within this that I find personal and will not share with many. There’s financial goals, college goals, spiritual growth goals, and healing goals. I’m excited for the word “transform” to guide my year. I am excited for what all God will do in my life.
