One Year: A Reflection

2/20/15 I started the crazy process of driving down to Texas to live. I packed everything into my car and went on a journey. A hotel stop the first night, my cousins' place the second night, and my sister's place the next two. I was welcomed, fittingly, with a Texas ice storm. I crossed the Missouri-Oklahoma border with an offer of a job via the phone. I was accepted into the night discipleship school, and had a place to live that I never actually saw. I was excited and not the least bit worried.

Here I am, a year later and so much has happened!! My friend, Casey, said in a text once a few months ago, "Well, it sure has been an adventure!" He was so right and I have not gotten that sentence out of my head since. I thought I would do a quick recap of this past year for you:

-- I moved into my discipleship house and, at one point, there were 12 of us living in one house! I loved my time there and the sweet friendships that developed. It was also a challenge for me in the roommate situation. I ended up living there for 9 months until I moved out and into an apartment with my friend, my seester Meagan. Living with Meagan has been really good for me in that I have a place to live that feels like "my" home. I haven't had that in 4 years, since I moved from Fairmont to the Twin Cities.

- I started at Antioch Community Church. It took me forever to get to check out a small group. It was not until April that I was able to and it was not until the end of April/beginning of May that I could say I had one. March was the worst month ever in terms of the move and adjustment to Waco. I felt like I was working and coming home, with no friendships and not knowing anyone in a town much larger than I had realized. I could go into church and walk out with not even a glance from others. However, the one couple that broke the norm I am still friends with! Michael and Cassandra were in front of me at church my very first Sunday I attended Antioch as a new Waco resident! They were super sweet, insisting I sit with them, and we exchanged phone numbers. They have been a life saver to me in so many ways. I have been able to babysit for their family, which all my friends back home know how much I love kids! I have had a chance to be used and love on their kiddos, which is always a huge blessing! My life group leaders all stepped down though and I have had a huge struggle finding one again that would work. It has either been a schedule issue, or another set of leaders stepping down. I ended up also going to the day discipleship school and, after one semester, stepping out of it. After months of struggling to get connected at Antioch, I decided to check out different churches. To my delight, Meagan came along. I am not one to church-shop and I hate been a "regular attender" with no real commitment to a church body. I find membership to be deeply necessary for my growth. It has not been easy to go to a church and not sense this is where God wants you. After checking out three churches, I am landing at First Baptist Woodway, which is not far from our apartment. Thankfully, they have a solid Adult Sunday School program so if I can't connect with a life group, I can stay connect with the Sunday School! We are going to a Sunday school full of 30s post college. I'm already connecting with friends from there and it has been really exciting. They have a Thursday night bi-weekly life group made up of the same Sunday School peeps that I will plan to start going to next week. I am also in a Women's Bible study again, which is something Antioch didn't have or do for all stages of women. Coming from being on the Women's  Ministry team at my former church, this was really hard to adjust to so having a Bible study has been great! I have loved the Bible study time at my new church! They also have a supper each Wednesday and I have loved being a part of that. I am starting to feel like this church could be where God wants me, which is exciting.

- My health has been a struggle this past year. I was really sick April-June with something that ended up being diagnosed as a Dysautonomia Syndrome, called Neurocardiogenetic Syncope. This was just another layer to the stress I was dealing with from the move and working 12 hours on my feet at the hospital was not helping. I ended up having to step away from being a Nursing Assistant for health reasons. Thankfully, I found a job rather quickly, but ended that position because of unethical practices by my former employer both in employee relations and in how they were handling the clients I was taking care of. Now I have found a great job with a fairly new senior companionship and home health aide company that has been supportive, affirming, and challenging. My health was great until October when my chronic migraine started acting up. My health and stress level during the discipleship school was a primary reason I had to step away. It is amazing how, since leveling the school, I have not had a single migraine! My stress level in general has been greatly reduced and I have been able to take time to really rest when I need to.

- I have been able to see my sister, Tammy, a lot. It has been super great because I have not really been able to see her so often and hang out with her as much since we were kids! I don't think I realized until recently how much I missed her and how much I really relied on her when I was growing up. It really says a lot about how amazing she is since she is my oldest sister and we are 7 years apart. I have loved that she's just a short drive away! Instead of seeing each other once a year, we have seen each other 1-3 times per month! It really has been a blessing!

- I have also been able to have a solid year with my therapist. I am so thankful for Salley! I love that we combine art therapy with what we do. This past year with her I feel like I have grown in strides and in areas I didn't think possible. She has helped me set boundaries and be able to enforce them in every area of my life, without me feeling guilty. I have also found a great peace and calm that I didn't have before. She's been a great support, but also challenges me every week to keep doing the hard work to heal.

-- Lastly, this year has shown me who I am and what I want to do with my life. One big think is finishing my college degree, but that is a career. Who I am as a person has never been something I have been aware of, so it is really nice to identify who I really am. Connecting with God even outside of the struggle to find a church home has not been easy, but it has happened. I feel I have grown in my faith journey in ways I would not have had I stayed in Minnesota.

Overall, this move was the best thing I ever did and I do not have any regrets.

The Most Important Chapter . . .

Recently, I picked up a book I had been reading as part of my counseling journey. You may have heard of it, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown? Well, if not, you need to get a copy. For almost a year I have been slowly digesting this book. Today I opened up to the next chapter and caught my breath: "Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough." Not a powerful chapter at all, right?!

It's been awhile, again, since I've written anything here. Sometimes I get all caught up in my thoughts, start writing, and it turns into pointless ramblings. The past five attempts have gone this way, but today feels so different. Today I feel inspired and hope-full.

When there's an end to something I once thought was going to be longer, I tend to become discouraged. I naturally listen to the lies in my head and second guess everything. When Day School ended, there was this part of me that felt like my Abraham Journey was ending and it was silly to keep writing here. Then, I realized an important thing . . .

A journey never ends. It may change directions, taking a sharp, surprising turn and it may go down a steep incline into a dark, gloomy valley but it never really ends. Even for Abe, his journey never really ended. During the course of his life, when his bride died, he hit a dark, gloomy valley. He took time to "mourn and weep for her" it says in Genesis 23. Then, when he had a proper tomb for his bride, he refocused on getting a proper wife for his son. It sounds pretty normal to some, but it gets me thinking often: What is the next chapter here? Then, I realized my answer.

Plans change all the time in life. We all have journeys that start or end, sometimes predictably and sometimes suddenly. I have a friend going through this right now as she's changing jobs. I have a cousin who's wife is birthing right this very moment the third baby they didn't see coming. I have a group of friends from Day School on a mission trip to Lebanon this very moment doing Syrian Refugee relief, something I was going to do in April until plans changed. What I glean from these journeys is that nothing ends completely. Time cannot be stopped after all, even if we were to try. Just like a really good book, the most important chapter is always the next one.

So here I am, actually enjoying my job as a Home Health Aide with no college degree. Here I am, laughing, crying, arguing, and bantering with my roommate that's more like a sister. Here I stand being viewed by some negatively, but for the first time I know I did something right even if others disagree. Here I am looking at the next chapter and I'm overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of turning the page. Like there's a title attached to it that stops me, takes my breath away, and in that moment I have a choice . . . to put the book down and walk away, or swallow really hard and find the courage to continue on. I think right now, I want to continue on so I'm gonna swallow really hard and take that deep, fulfilling breath.

I'm still clearly settled on most of my next chapter. I'm going to finish my college degree at Bethel University, taking classes online in the Adult Higher Education program.  By 40, I plan to have a B.A. in Christian Ministry & Human Services. It feels scary and exciting at the same time. I have a few steps to check off before this can happen, so I'm doing what I can to move forward and cross off those steps. One thing is for sure, I feel incredibly motivated.

Another thing brewing inside is a book or two that's dying to get out and onto paper. I never really took the time to consider what that would look like, but I'm willing to take a chance. Maybe there's nothing more than a blog with hidden followers, much like this one, but even so there's still a purpose with whatever gets written. And with each post here comes another, and another--no single one is as important as the next one. Much like your favorite television series makes you binge watch on Netflix, there's something inside that just needs to know the answer: What will happen next? How will this journey go? Will this ever end?

My journey is still unfolding, even for me. Day School brought me down this path to Texas. Now I'm where I need to be and where I have wanted to be which is at a place in my life where the next chapter is far greater and more beautiful than the one before. "Turn the page, read on," I tell myself as I invite you to do the same.