Recently, I picked up a book I had been reading as part of my counseling journey. You may have heard of it, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown? Well, if not, you need to get a copy. For almost a year I have been slowly digesting this book. Today I opened up to the next chapter and caught my breath: "Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough." Not a powerful chapter at all, right?!
It's been awhile, again, since I've written anything here. Sometimes I get all caught up in my thoughts, start writing, and it turns into pointless ramblings. The past five attempts have gone this way, but today feels so different. Today I feel inspired and hope-full.
When there's an end to something I once thought was going to be longer, I tend to become discouraged. I naturally listen to the lies in my head and second guess everything. When Day School ended, there was this part of me that felt like my Abraham Journey was ending and it was silly to keep writing here. Then, I realized an important thing . . .
A journey never ends. It may change directions, taking a sharp, surprising turn and it may go down a steep incline into a dark, gloomy valley but it never really ends. Even for Abe, his journey never really ended. During the course of his life, when his bride died, he hit a dark, gloomy valley. He took time to "mourn and weep for her" it says in Genesis 23. Then, when he had a proper tomb for his bride, he refocused on getting a proper wife for his son. It sounds pretty normal to some, but it gets me thinking often: What is the next chapter here? Then, I realized my answer.
Plans change all the time in life. We all have journeys that start or end, sometimes predictably and sometimes suddenly. I have a friend going through this right now as she's changing jobs. I have a cousin who's wife is birthing right this very moment the third baby they didn't see coming. I have a group of friends from Day School on a mission trip to Lebanon this very moment doing Syrian Refugee relief, something I was going to do in April until plans changed. What I glean from these journeys is that nothing ends completely. Time cannot be stopped after all, even if we were to try. Just like a really good book, the most important chapter is always the next one.
So here I am, actually enjoying my job as a Home Health Aide with no college degree. Here I am, laughing, crying, arguing, and bantering with my roommate that's more like a sister. Here I stand being viewed by some negatively, but for the first time I know I did something right even if others disagree. Here I am looking at the next chapter and I'm overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of turning the page. Like there's a title attached to it that stops me, takes my breath away, and in that moment I have a choice . . . to put the book down and walk away, or swallow really hard and find the courage to continue on. I think right now, I want to continue on so I'm gonna swallow really hard and take that deep, fulfilling breath.
I'm still clearly settled on most of my next chapter. I'm going to finish my college degree at Bethel University, taking classes online in the Adult Higher Education program. By 40, I plan to have a B.A. in Christian Ministry & Human Services. It feels scary and exciting at the same time. I have a few steps to check off before this can happen, so I'm doing what I can to move forward and cross off those steps. One thing is for sure, I feel incredibly motivated.
Another thing brewing inside is a book or two that's dying to get out and onto paper. I never really took the time to consider what that would look like, but I'm willing to take a chance. Maybe there's nothing more than a blog with hidden followers, much like this one, but even so there's still a purpose with whatever gets written. And with each post here comes another, and another--no single one is as important as the next one. Much like your favorite television series makes you binge watch on Netflix, there's something inside that just needs to know the answer: What will happen next? How will this journey go? Will this ever end?
My journey is still unfolding, even for me. Day School brought me down this path to Texas. Now I'm where I need to be and where I have wanted to be which is at a place in my life where the next chapter is far greater and more beautiful than the one before. "Turn the page, read on," I tell myself as I invite you to do the same.
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