Resisting Apathy

I can be very passionate about things. Using the R word will make me go off on you and rant about every person having value. Make a joke about schizophrenia, bipolar, or any other mental illness and I will go into another rant and correct your ignorant ways. Spend time talking about the Bible, about cats, or even about art and we will talk for hours. I have it in me to care, but sometimes I just don't.

I tend to not care about me the most. I am not sure when it started and I don't know that it is something to be proud of, and I am not saying this pridefully. In Christian circles you hear our focus should be Jesus-Others-You and you have JOY. I'm saying mine is more Jesus-Others-Your momma-Your wants-Your needs-and-You. Never once have I ever recognized that you is supposed to be me. I am so dead last in my radar that things get compromised. 

Recently, my T and I talked about how as I enter the world of feeling and dealing with emotions, I have this desire to sleep them off and not engage them. I told her, "I know that's not the answer. I want to engage with life." And I remembered later, the prayer I had once that I would be someone who resists apathy....that's it!!! The light bulb went off in my mind.

How do I resist something I have done my whole life? I am still not sure, but I have made a few small changes that I hope in the course of a year will make a difference. They are the following:

1) Make an effort to food journal daily. This is just so I know what I am eating and also ensure I get my 3 meals and 3 snacks in. Maybe then I can avoid the old ways of eating mindlessly.

2) I also need to use my planner. I forget stuff all the time since my car accident...bills, dr appointments, and meeting someone. This will hopefully make me more intentional and have a better follow through rate.

3) Complete my activities of daily living every day. ADLs are routine tasks you do every day. Most people don't have to think about them. I do. I have to decide some days to get out of bed for example.

These are just small ways I want to not be apathetic. I would love to wake up and be just as passionate about budgeting as I am about being crafty. It isn't gonna happen. But at least I can care a little more than I normally would about my life and myself and my welfare.