Breathe In; Breathe Out.

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, 

but in everything [every circumstance and situation] 

by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, 

continue to make your [specific] requests known to God.  

And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] 

 which transcends all understanding, 

[that peace which] stands guard over your hearts

 and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].  

~ Philippians 4:6-7 (AMP) ~

Life is hard to live. 

Let that revelation sink in for a moment. Have you ever felt the heaviness, weightiness life brings? Many people have not, which I will call them beyond blessed. For many others, you know exactly what I am saying. 

Years ago, as a kid, I remember believing my life was not worth living. I was a ninth grader and a vast majority who knew me in my tiny small town in Minnesota had no idea what I felt inside. A few decades later, I no longer deal with suicidal ideation or even significant amounts of depression, but life is still hard to live some days. 

In my present life, there's a lot going on and most of it is a story that is not mine to tell. Instead, it will be documented in my private journal to be read long after I'm gone by a family member I don't yet have; perhaps a daughter who becomes amazed at what all I really did in life that I never admitted to her. What is going on though is a constant reminder to me that life is as hard as it is worth living to the fullest.

Many people are fortunate to have someone believe in them and the person they could become. I remember being asked in high school, who my favorite teacher was. Mr. Cody is still my favorite teacher and he is now a principal in North Dakota of all places. The reason he remains my favorite teacher is because he believed in me and set me on the course of not giving up when life was hard to live. Who was that for you? Who would say you are that person for them? I believe everyone should have someone who believes in them, even if the cards are stacked against them--and believe me, for some, the cards are stacked like a skyscraper.

Right now, I'm heading into unfamiliar territory. I have not ever really filled this role before. I dreamt last night I was starring in a play for the very first time. It was opening night and I was so nervous, I couldn't eat supper. Here I was at a buffet table full of everything I loved and no ability to enjoy any of it. I woke up amused at how our brains process our life's happenings even while we're sleeping, seemingly dead to the world.

I was once in a small group for a period of time in my hometown in Minnesota. We were a hodge-podge of young adults who believed in Jesus and wanted to grow deeper. We had roots in Catholicism, Evangelical Covenant, Methodist, Non-Denominational, Lutheran, and a nice sprinkling of Evangelical Free as far as our denominational make-up went. Our meetings were as imperfect as they were impactful to my own spiritual journey. We studied this book that went through various spiritual disciplines; things like labyrinths, Bible reading plans, prayer, and other things. We took different turns leading these discussions. I recall one that really has helped me live life when it is so hard.

My friend, Logan, covered a section on prayer. One of the methods of prayer he shared was breathing Scripture. Taking a verse to meditate on and pray through and into your life, while also breathing purposefully. It sounds odd at first and is a bit awkward to do in a group, but once you master the technique in your private devotional time, it can be so freeing. It reminds me of learning to meditate or various breathing exercises I was taught in treatment to help refocus my mind. Instead of tapping into the modern new age movement, I tap into my Christian faith and use the Bible to give me a solid focus. Finding my "inner self" or my "zen" or even my "universe" does not sound as reliable to me as the Truth of God's Word.

Lately, I have spent some time practicing breathing Scripture with Philippians 4:6-7. And it goes something like this:

 

Do not **breathe in** 

be anxious or worried about anything, **breathe out**

but in everything  ** breathe in** 

[every circumstance and situation] **breathe out**

by prayer **breathe in** 

and petition **breathe out** 

with thanksgiving, **breathe in**

continue **breathe out** 

to make your [specific] requests known to God.  **breathe in**

And the peace of God**breathe out**

 [that peace which reassures the heart **breathe in**, 

that peace], which transcends all understanding, **breathe out**

[that peace which] stands guard over your hearts **breathe in**

 and your minds **breathe out** 

in Christ Jesus **breathe in**

 [is yours].  **breathe out**

It is so simple, yet so powerful. And it helps me know that this life is not up to me to master. This life is not up to me to conquer. And this life is not for me to figure out alone, in my head. And when life is the hardest, I don't have to have it all figured out. And, for the sake of deepest honesty, I don't have to have all my ducks in a row, shit together, or even be the master of adulting. I just need to live life one step at a time, breathing in and out slowly.