Reflection in the Mirror

When I stand in front of a mirror of any kind I struggle. I always have. I don't even own a mirror because of it. There's lots of reasons why. One of them is because I am face-to-face with myself. Today is one of those times I feel similarly.  My birthday is tomorrow and I turn 35. It is amazing to think that in 35 more years I will be 70. This thought hit me a couple weeks ago and it got me thinking and reflecting upon that image looking back at me in the mirror. I asked myself some questions that I want to share the answers to.

WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR NEXT 35 YEARS TO LOOK LIKE?

This is an interesting thought because I normally don't think about my future. I have never really been a goal-setter or a dreamer. This question took me several days and in the end I came up with one simple word to fit everything: Love. I want my next 35 years to look like love. I want them to look like I love God. I want them took look like I love myself as a child of God. I hope they will look like I'm in romantic love, but it is not necessary. I long for them to look like I love children, whether or not I have my own. I want them to look like I love others as much as God does. I want them to look like I love my friends, with no strings attached. I want them to look like I love my family, whether they choose to love me back or not--I want to show them and teach them what unconditional love can be like.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IN THE NEXT 35 YEARS?

This was another difficult question. It took a few days for me to really consider this. The first thing that came to mind is a conversation I had with God in November. My next step in life is to finish my college degree. Since November, God has clarified the path He wants me to take and it isn't a path that will be easy. I feel a pastoral calling, which has been there since I was a kid. No one else has really known it because I don't publish my sermons I write, but they're on my computer and my flash drive. This passion is also driven from discipling others over the years. I love guiding someone to a clearer understanding of what they believe, or spurring them on to a greater depth with Jesus. I have a huge heart for women, families, kids, and the deeply hurting. While this was not my first thought, God has certainly called it out in me over the past 3 years, along with roughly 15 people. So what I want to accomplish is pretty specific: a pastoral ministry position of some sort. Definitely not a senior pastoral role, but there's many other potential areas. In order for this to happen, college must be on the horizon. There's a couple in mind and I'm moving forward in the process at both to see what doors God opens or shuts. Right now it will be 2017 that I start, but not sure of the Spring or the Fall. God knows the details!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE 35 YEARS FROM NOW?

Man! The hardest question ever! I still am not 100% sure I have the answer for this, but I think I have a good start. I want to be someone known for her pursuit of Jesus before any other achievements. I would love to have loved ones fight over who gets my Bible when I'm gone! I want to be a woman who finally mastered her eating disorder and body image struggles and wrote a book all about it! I want to be someone who is joyful in the aging process, even if I have no clue who I am or where I am. I want to smile and laugh and make my caretakers want to be around me. I want to be thriving inspite of all the crap I went through in my life. In fact, I want people to be shocked when they hear pieces of what I have overcome because of how God has redeemed all the junk. 

These were hard questions, but necessary ones. This Abraham Journey I have been on has been very interesting and surprising!