Through It All . . .

There's a lot of times in our lives where we don't know what to expect. I am in the midst of one of those moments right now. My health isn't the greatest, finances could be stronger, and really it is hard to lose my focus. It can be so easy for us to doubt . . . Doubt in God's plan for our future, even if it's only revealed in a small amount. . . .Doubt in God's providence, His provision . . . Doubt in His strength and authority. There's something greater to learn in these moments of life: God is over all, still has authority to move mountains, and the winds and seas still obey Him. Nothing happens in life He doesn't know about.

Maybe for you this isn't comforting to know. Maybe you feel exposed, or angry to know this. For me, it's beautiful. Every bad thing . . . He knows, He has a plan, He is conquering it for me. I can let go and trust He has what's best for me. It takes your faith to a whole new level every time you have to surrender and let go. It's a beautiful release when your grip is opened and you watch what He will do.

There's a song by Bethel Music that's my theme song right now . . . It is beautifully written. Please listen.

https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI

Can you say that deep within your soul? "Through it all, it is well with me." The power of God is in those words, so much so that I can't NOT say it---I have to say it, DAILY. Amen.

It's All Just a Dream . . . Until You Do Something

I really enjoy writing. It's something my 5th grade english teacher, Mrs. Mancell pointed out to my parents regularly at conferences. It's also something she pointed out when I was in my senior year of high school. I always thought it'd be awesome to write a novel one day, a children's book series, a devotional book series, and maybe even a screenplay/movie of my love life journey---it's hilariously sad and very dramatic comedy. I haven't ever said much to anyone about these secret writing ideas....ever.

The other day I was praying and God stirred up the dreams I had about writing and illustrating my own children's book series. From there my thoughts went to this book I have had in my mind for over 10 years that I only have the title and outline to. Recently, a couple devotional book ideas have made their way into my brain as well. It's amazing how whenever you dream, thoughts of inadequacy follow you. Not just me, but all people in some way have to come to grips with this.

[Example of thoughts: I just reread my two paragraphs I wrote above. I have intentional typos, an intentional writing style while blogging which is something I enjoy doing because it reads more conversational. I have a few close friends who are english snobs, who most likely are very annoyed at this style. My thought was, "What if so and so read this and immediately says, 'I can't read her blog without pain--what is she THINKING?! WRITING A BOOK! Everyone thinks they can do THAT!' " **haha** It's funny how even talking about it in my blog, I have thoughts against DOING it.]

This book writing dream of mine I have had since I was in elementary school. I never told Mrs. Mancell, who would have encouraged it so much. Only God knew and, suddenly, He stirs the pot in my brain to bring the dream to a boil again. Dreams are just a dream if you do nothing. I mean, decades I've dreamt these dreams and just never once consider of doing anything about them. This is my point . . . if God's dreams for me are HIGHER, then perhaps I'm supposed to do something, anything. So today I am writing a few outlines and maybe making a table of contents for a couple of books. I am also gonna do some sketches and develop some characters for the children' book series I have been plotting in my head. Maybe nothing will never come of them, but I won't know until I do something today.

When Are You Coming Back?

Recently, I have been asked this question a lot. I thought I'd share specifics on that subject.

The short answer is, maybe never. If I'm truly honest, my intention when I came to Texas was to start this crazy journey God was calling me on. Returning to Minnesota to live is, most likely not in the plans. Visits I hope do come, but I may have to wait for a bit before such things happen.

I start Night Discipleship Training School August 17th. Then, I go on a missions trip in May/June 2016 with my classmates. After this, I have no idea for sure right now what I'm doing. My prayer is whether or not to continue on in Church Plant Training School to be sent out by Antioch Church somewhere in the USA or abroad. I'm currently leaning towards this, but seeking the Lord in this still until I have to make a for sure decision.

Today, I set up a Go Fund me Page for those interested in supporting me early on in this process, as I grow and develop the skills needed to be a better servant of the Lord. www.gofundme.com/uxg3u4

I want to make my heart clear in that I want to share Christ with those who don't know Him. I want to share His Redeeming Love with those who have never felt a life-changing love. I want to be used by God to restore women's lives especially, but not exclusively. Maybe that's here in the USA, maybe it's not. My prayer right now is that God would direct me and put on my heart a clarification as to where I would go....beyond "restoring women's lives" and into a pinpointed place of "these women, over there, hurting, and broken." Whenever I see a map of the world, I get a little nauseous lately because I am truly praying to God, "I will go anywhere you want me to." The likelihood He's gonna send me back to where I have come from isn't high, but isn't that just like God? He doesn't call us out, grow us up, and strengthen us to send us backwards. No. He sends us forwards, to places we could never imagine. At this point in my life, I'm saying....."Lord, here I am. Send me." It's as exciting as it is terrifying. It's a peaceful as it is unsettling. For once in my life I am seeking His will above my own, above any other human's, and it is freeing.

The question I'm asking isn't "When am I going back?" It is: "Where am I going NEXT?"